Does misery love company...some advice please?

My hubby and I were going through some hard times about a month ago.


Everything is ok now but Friday night we had some friends over and things from this past incident were brought up.


I am not quite over the whole incident (working through it) but I am not the one who brought it up with that night, these friends did.


Long story short some feelings resurfaced and I confided with my friend what actually happened. I just felt the need to vent.


This also led to a fight between my hubby and I, which I know was wrong but I guess I just let those harsh feeling get the better of me.


My hubby and I are still working through things but they are getting there.


Yesterday my hubby tells me that my friend calls him up yesterday an chews him out. She tells him what a rotten SOB he is ect ect ect.


I am kind of irritated by this because it seems as my friend is trying to escalate a situation.Does misery love company...some advice please?
Well maybe your friend likes drama and likes to watch and start it between others.





It is hard when you need to talk to someone and you select a friend who stabs you in the back. I will tell her that what she did was so wrong and a complete breach of trust....





As for venting, I know it seems like a good idea but have you thought about writing it down instead of telling someone who can tell others. Just let it all hang out in a journal (keep it with you if you think hubby might read it).





I am glad you are working it out, but as I have said in the past a marriage only has room for the husband and wife. Sometimes we share too much with family and friends and they think they have a right to stick their noses into places they don't belong.





Good luck!Does misery love company...some advice please?
Friends are UNCONDITONAL!!! they have no right calling your husband she is a trouble maker!! there is no need for that ever
it is important to be able to vent, It gives a release that only seen to get more explosive when you cannot hold it in any long.





but we need to know who we are venting to, are people that we trust, and sadly enough this only comes be experience.





sometimes the best answer is a pastor, or priest, but in the same instance you need to know them well enough to trust them, or not know them at all.
Our minds are complicated things, and our subconscious is very powerful.





What I think happened here is that your friend called your husband and told him what she would like to tell her own husband- but cannot bring herself to do it.





(It's a trick our mind plays on us. At a weird and hidden level, she somehow felt relieved by telling your husband he was a SOB because she felt she was telling her husband that.)





And yes...';Misery loves company';....Be careful here. Your friend might like you; but since she obviously has her own set of issues within her marriage, you should watch your mouth and learn from this experience.


The last thing you need is for your husband to be angry about this....and unfortunately, he has a point here. Nobody wants to hear he's an SOB from a friend his wife has.
';They'; always say, we tend to attract, how we are perceived by others. Meaning, if a person has a negative attitude, personality, they will only attract those that do as well. If a person is confident about themself, others who are to, take notice and try and build a friendship/relationship etc. ';Misery loves company'; has been a well known, often stated quote, for those as yourself, that try to get over past incidents, but cant, fully, attract those that have same problem, situation, of not being able to let go. Not that, that is such a bad thing, however, to be able to go forward in life, its probably best to leave the negative things behind as best you can, and just focus on the positive things in your life and work from there. A good friend of mine a decade ago told me, ';you have much too much negativity in your life, and you are so not deserving of it. I suggest you rid the negative, whether it be family, friends, work, whatever it is, and move on and get yourself in a better place'; I lived from those words, since that very day, perhaps you can too now. Good Luck.
It sounds like she was just venting at your husband because she was angry. I suspect it may have something to do with her own issues.





I think you should simply tell her that you don't approve of what she did, and that you'd prefer if she didn't do it again. She may not have even consciously realized that what she was doing could escalate the situation.
You may want to pick and choose what tidbits you bestow on your friend going forward. I have a friend like that who I think secretly wants my man. Why in Gods name would a friend blow up your spot like that?! Especially to be the one to bring up the whole convo.


As for her calling him on the side, I'd let her know that you can fight your battles yourself and while you appreciate her concern that you don't want/need her to do that again.


If he is something you want then again, stop the complaining to your girls. In the end they will take your side and when you are back in love with Mr Almost Perfect they may not so easily forget what he did.
I totally agree with KJ. That's exactly why it's sometimes better to ask or tell a total stranger. Your friend might think she's being a good friend by getting on your husband's case. But, she's actually just making things worse for you. Now, you can't blame her, because you're the one who confided in her. All you may do, is ask her not to make things worse for you since you're trying to work things out with your husband. And, yes, ';Misery does love company.';
that is exactly why some of us here at Y!A vent out here to strangers rather than friends.





try it... it works.
I'm confused
I think, if you want to give your marriage a fighting chance, you might need to put some distance between yourselves and this 'friend' for a while...





I had a friend who was very bitter in her relationship and did everything in her power to turn me bitter and cause problems between me and my boyfriend. She lied, stirred up trouble and said a lot of unpleasant things to my boyfriend behind my back. It caused so much unhappiness.





What your friend did is wrong on several counts. Firstly, you were confiding in her so she should have just kept it to herself. Secondly, she should be supportive of you and your husband trying to work things out - sabotaging things is not the sign of a true friend. Thirdly, I really don't think it's her place to go ringing up your husband and to go off at him like that - she should have kept out of it. I fail to see how she though upseting him would help you out.





She needs to know that what she did was wrong and that she has NOT scored any brownie points with you for doing it - on the contrary she has irritated you.





Tell her to respect the fact that you and your hubby want to make this work and that you need a friend - someone to confide in and who will support you, not go stirring up a hornets nest behind your back and leaving you to sort out the mess.





I dunno, I may be jumping the gun here, but from experience she sounds like she isn't much of a friend.
I think she was just being a friend who felt that her friend鈥檚 husband was an SOB.





As far as your question goes, yes misery loves company. I have friends that do not want to hear anything good about anyone鈥檚 life unless they are doing better. But I don鈥檛 think that was the case with your friend.
To answer your immediate questions, yes. An unhappy person usually doesn't want others to be happy either. But to further elaborate, that's certainly a ';friend'; that you don't need. She had no business or right to call your husband or say anything. I would certainly re-evealute her position in your life.
indeed you are trying but is your hubby trying as well thats the important question here..... true friends stick beside you..... also when you told your friends that you want to work things out they should honor your feelings but if she knows more than just past... well than maybe you need to sit down and talk to your friend and find out the truth of everything cause all the truth with your hubby has not serfaced,,,,, is it possable to bring all friends together and have a meeting if not well than they are really not your friends